It was a Close Race, But...

Unfortunately, for all of my fans out there... I figured you should hear it straight from me: I am not the recipient of the 2009 Nobel Prize for Literature. It is, in fact, Herta Müller - a Romanian author who was selected because of her "concentration of poetry and the frankness of prose, depicts the landscape of the dispossessed."

Now comes the all-to-common outcry of college-age beatniks who will immediately start shouting "OH, I totally went through a Müller phase in high school, good for her, winning that prize. It's about time she was recognized." Meanwhile, I'll sit here, where I always sit, and wonder who the fuck is Herta Müller? I don't think anyone really knows. She's scary as shit, though. She probably glared at the Swedes and they paid her with a medal and 1.4 USD's just to back down her hateful leer.

Really though, good for her. She should smile more though. I don't mean that in a chauvinistic "women should always be ____" sort of way... I just mean she just seems like a very pissed off person. Hopefully this award will bring some joy to her life and turn that frown upside down.

Now, back to being a F-List Writer!

One of those Typical "I'm Not Dead" Headlines.

No, I'm not dead. Quite to the contrary, I've been incredibly busy since the last time I posted here. With my outline done for my Novel, I am taking a step back from that project to work on three other stories that I'd like to get out in time for some contests. There's a lot of little things going on, so I'm going to write a series of paragraphs completely irrelated [sic] with one another. (except being about writing and me, of course)

Over the last seven days I have written a total of 5,000 words... I don't know if that's a lot, but I am trying to write even faster. I feel like I write EXCRUCIATINGLY slow to the point of tedium. To give an example, I had a paragraph that was already completed on my longest short story (It's going on 34 pages. It's a monster and I don't know if any contests would want it. It's good, but the length is pretty epic for a short story piece.) and I went back and edited that fucker for about an hour. I rewrote the entire thing probably four or five times until it was perfect. This would have been fine, I think, except it completely fucked over my groove. I had nothing after that. Revisions are a dangerous animal, especially when you're just trying to get your story on paper... they're somewhat like a Grizzly Bear, but instead of sharp, flesh-rending claws, they have... well... okay so revisions are nothing like a Grizzly... maybe an Aardvark or Kakapo. Yeah, Kakapo. Since it FUCKS your HEAD. (see: link)

I filled up a moleskine this weekend. I was pretty excited about that. I bought one of those three packs at Barnes & Noble, and when I purchased it, the lady behind the counter had the "oh-God-another-one-of-these-wannabes-again" look on her face. As I said in an earlier post, my intention is to constantly fight through the prevailing idiom of "that guy"-ism and beat all the tried and true stereotypes of people like me. So in that way, I was thrilled that I could fill one up. It's hanging on my cork board now... along with everything else I'm doing. It looks cluttered, but there is some method to my madness.

I don't know if it's because I am a massive tool bag, or what, but people with normal jobs like accountants and lawyers are depressing me now. When I see them I want to ask "Is this really what you want to do with your life? Are you really excited about reading that dull, sterile professional writing?" It just seems like they aren't really doing what they love. "Love what you do, and you'll never work a day in your life." That's kind of the mantra I'm going for I guess. Jesus, I am just a vestibule for horrible, life-affirming cliches.

I've found myself futzing around more literary websites recently. There are about five or six that now inhabit my Favorites list, and I read them primarily because they update nearly every day. It's nice to be able to sit down and read about writing even when you are seemingly stuck in Corporate Town, USA. I'm going to make a blog roll to the right of this post. Please visit the sites, I think that they're some of the best sources around for writers... unlike this one, which may become a black hole of creativity and happiness. I don't mean for it to, but you can't control these things. Black holes form with or without my consent. I think I'll blame this one on Blogger.

Anyway, that's essentially it. For all the work I've been doing for the past two weeks, there is very little to show for it. I'm excited right now because even though what I am doing right now is more than likely drivel, I can look back at my previous work and see that my drivel has at least become better. Writing is not easy, but seeing improvement has been a source of joy and inspiration for me for, Jesus, over a year now! I never really celebrated my one-year-anniversary with my love of writing. Just kind of passed that one up. Oh well, there's nothing to be mentioned about my work yet. Still not even published in a magazine or website yet (besides the blog that I edit and contribute to - www.rawrcast.com ) but it will all come in time. When it does, you'll be the first to know. Yeah, you. Talking to you now. You have a little something hanging from your nose... might want to get that off. No, no... the other side. There. Good. Yay!

-Ken

Furthermore, on the Subject of Names...

I have already had two instances of naming characters that are names of people that have already had a varied degree of fame a few decades ago. For example: I wanted to use the name 'Slim Pickens' as nickname at one point, not knowing about Dr. Strangelove. The name just sounded perfect for the character, so I went out and google'd it (something I do with all my names now... just because I don't want to be called out for libel) and I found my guy riding a cotton-pickin' atom bomb. Damnit.

What are the common rules to name-usage? Can you use names as long as they are obvioulsy different? Do you just avoid these names at all costs?

-Ken

Novel Blog (II) - Outline Done!

I think I move faster than most when it comes to writing. I can't say that's a particularly bad thing to say. In fact, I would go so far as to say I'm pretty psyched about being able to say that. Two days ago, I found an excellent guide that I discussed in my last entry. Through the use of the oh-so-easy to use Freemind software, I have a 12 chapter novel laid out along with major and minor characters and scenes. I. Just. Destroyed it. I haven't even written the story yet, but the elements came together without hardly any stopping them. One element led to another, and another, and so on.

It scares me to a certain extent, because surely it can't be as easy as it just ended up being. Sure, I spent almost the entirety of the last two days working on my map, but it still didn't seem like enough time to spend. I think the hardest part for me will be contriving all the minutiae that will be found in the book. More subplots (ergo, more chapters) will inevitably find its way into the text, and I will struggle with the actual act of writing more than I did just telling the story.

It's good to have this problem, I think. I don't think I am the level of writer that makes this sort of thing easy yet. I have a great story (at least I think so) but I am a little worried that my grasp on the English language won't be able to bring the story to life as well as I expect it to. But that's fine. First drafts are always a little wonky (or so I've been led to believe) and I'm not particularly worried about it. I'm looking forward to the creation process, but I actually fell in love with mapping out how the story is going to take place as well... something I have read as being tedious, I found to be exhilarating.

Using Freemind was a great little process that created the elements for the novel that I didn't know existed. I discovered characters that are quintessential to the plot that makes the whole thing come together, I discovered drug addictions that were hitherto unknown, I found little scraps of notes that ended up being a phone number to a dark, mysterious figure that was foreshadowed to early on in the first chapter that I am now attempting to rewrite completely.

Perhaps I need to be more fastidious. I'm flying through this stuff and I'm enjoying the heck out of it. I know there's holes to fill and problems will arise, but right now the words are falling onto the page with an easy alacrity that makes me both wary and very, very excited.

-Ken

How To's

So I just found some great how-to's over at Simon Hayes' blog. These are great! Love, love, love them. In fact, I went so far as to send him an e-mail (something I never do) about how much they are, in fact, the shit.

That's all I got for now. I've decided that Tuesdays are the black hole for creative thought. Mondays you can pull from your anger that another weekend has died at the hands of the dreaded Work Week, Wednesdays are full of hope that you may actually make it through, Thursdays are 'light at the end of the tunnel', and Fridays... well I'm drunk on Fridays. Saturday and Sunday are always amazing.

-Ken

Novel Blog (1)

So I'm trying something new now. I have been mulling over the story for a while, and I have tons of notes, bits of dialogue and a plot outline. What I want to do is talk about my experience in writing my first novel and all the heartache and torture that will inevitably come with it. I don't think I'm going to give too much of the story itself away...maybe a quick outline, but I would like to keep the final product so I can (hopefully, haha) get it published. So, let's try to explain the story that has been making me lose sleep for the past month or so.

What I gots so far...
Mark Menkowitz is a 38 year old Jewish newspaper editor who has just lost his wife to a car crash. When something this horrible happens, there is always a certain grieving period, but Mark's could have been so short that it may have been completely absent. My story revolves around Mark's life post-Sheila (his late wife) and how he remembers through her absence what was and why they had fallen in love in the first place. When he goes back to the house they moved into as newlyweds, he begins to remember the wife that he had loved so much.

While he is going through a prolonged and increasingly belabored grieving process, he also has to deal with the realization that the future of his newspaper (the largest in his city) is hemorraging dollars and is in danger of collapse. Through the continued sadness Mark is faced with, he will go on a journey that will lead him through guilty pleasures and pitfalls, happiness and moments of relfection, love and agony.


I think that's enough for now. I find myself writing a screenplay with the novel, and I don't really know which one will take priority yet. I have the first scene of the script done, and it was the first thing I did to explain it (Thank you goes out to those very fine folks over at Celtx for making deliciously awesome free script and novel editing software! You are my heroes) but without any scripting experience, I am horribly anxious about the prospect of putting so much creative effort into something that may fail miserably. (Or, as Mark would say, "I just ain't gonna sit in a pool of shit if there's a hot tub next to me.")

-Ken

Some things that piss me off...

I was reading some stories on blogs today... stuff that read "First Two Chapters! Enjoy!" and it kind of made me realize where the bridge between good and bad writing is. I think I made a breakthrough in dregging through the literary offal found on the internets.

1. People who write stories about someone writing a story. It's dumb and convoluded. The best story like this was The Secret Window and that was written by Stephen King... the guy can pull off any over-used, horribly cliche plot he wants. The majority of us, however, cannot. So, if you ever feel like your character has to write... think about it again. Is there any other way you can give your character some ambiance of creativity? Think about it. Stay the fuck away from cliches - especially this one.

2. Dumbass page-long narratives of two people staring at eachother in silence. This seems pretty self-explanatory. If your male protagonist looks out into the park and sees a beautiful girl, don't give me a page about her fucking hair. It's dumb and boring and not realistic. As a guy, I can say, without equivocation, that when I see a woman I don't break out into sonnet. Neither should your dude. If your just trying to boost your word count, then you're a poser... if you're trying to show off flowery language, you're a loser... if you're trying to show how emotionally touched your guy is, you're lying.

3. Having one long paragraph that should be broken up into two. Reading devolves into scanning when confronted with a wall of text. When you have a paragraph that doesn't seem to end, find a good place to break it up. There's always a spot out there. Find it. Rule of thumb: if you have more than one central subject going on in a paragraph, you're doing it wrong.

4. Don't be a cocky prick. People notice your douchebaggery. A simple rule of thumb exists here. If you think very highly of yourself, it will come through in your writing and it will no longer be sincere. Self-flaggelation and a good sense of humor are paramount in writing, and without the ability to laugh at yourself, your writing looks contrived and brings up images of Patrick Bateman flexing in the mirror while banging a chick in American Psycho. If you want to write, get over yourself. Write for the love of the story, not for the love of yourself. Prick.

5. Don't make wild claims about how other people write when you're not even published yet. Yeah, and hypocrites. I hate hypocrites.

That's it. Enjoy your crushed egos.

-Ken